A&Eeeek

Need some more time and opinions to get my head around how i'm feeling.

The main feeling though right now is FEAR

Restless night

Had a terrible night's sleep just now.

Saying just now as it's 4.30am.

Yesterday i was all over the place, mentally that is, the majority of time i was sat on my sofa at home, laptop in place, trying to get through the many things that needed to be done. But my head just wasn't in it, so it jumped all over the place, mild giddy panics, back and forth, back and forth.

Then it's bedtime so off i trot and my head is still spinning, and as soon as the TV goes off and the conversations petter out "wham" my head's at it again, thinking up new plans, going over others, writing, processing, doodling. BUT NOT SLEEPING.

I have to have some form of distraction so the radio goes on, but i tune in too much and start to enjoy the shows, laughing along, caught up in the narrative. All the time knowing that in 4,3,2 hours i need to get up.

So it turns 3 am and i just give up. And i get up an hour and a half early.

My alarm has just gone off on my phone.

I'll be feeling this later, and it will all be my own fault.

MORNING KIDS

So writing a blog hey?

Well, yeah, thought i might yeah.

There was a time not that long ago where blogs were for young emo girls moaning about their lives, loves and loses. And we used to laugh and joke about this relatively new way of posting your inner most thoughts and worries in a very public way, and then the stress and the tears when they complain that everyone thinks they know them, and there's no such thing as a secret anymore.

Well things have changed, actually that sort of thing still goes on, and we can still laugh and joke about it, but now everyone has one of these things. And so now do i.

Yet i'm not going to be writing about my deepest darkest secrets. Someone asked how i was the other day, saying "your facebook read as if you were having problems and were down." To which my response was, "if i were down i wouldn't be plublicising it in anyway." Things like that in my mind have gotten out of hand. So this isn't going to be a place for secrets either. I'm very good at keeping secrets, and i plan to proove that.

What i will be writing about are just my thoughts and opinions, general day to day happenings in the life of an average man.

Fanx

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Birds, snakes and airplanes

i'm not afraid